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What Defines "A Woman's Work"?

Maybe a week or so ago, I ventured out into the rain to pick up my little brother from school, which forced me to wonder about gender roles. I'm a faternal twin, and the other part of my pair is a boy. Growing up he was always assigned to the garbage, and myself to the dishes and helping to raise my little brother who is 10 years younger than I am. I always objected to these clear cut gender roles that were being forced on us. When it came time to go away to college, my twin brother went to Penn State, and I had to stay home for a semester and go local. Although my parents called it a "money issue", I really believe that they couldnt handle both my twin and myself going away at the same time, but had to work up to that by weening themselves off one at a time. Who would be at their disposal to help with the younger sibling, and who would make sure the dishes were always clean? Being that I was always the most helpful due to this "female disposition" I have, I was the twin that stayed home. My grandmother once told me that I will never be married because I personally feel that I should not be assigned to the dishes (and other "female roles") just because I'm a female. Do you think that she's right and I'm being unrealistic? Like, it's 2009, if you dirtied the dish, you clean it. And I'm pretty sure it's okay for a man to pick the kid up from school every once and a while.

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Permalink Reply by Cee Cee on October 31, 2009 at 2:47pm: Older sisters are often called upon to be mom stand-ins.They're expected to be the responsible ones. Is it fair? No, but sometimes its necessary. But other times it's not. Don't know what the case is in your situation. But you've got that layered with the whole gender role situation which can't be easy. But not all men and women think like your grandmother. My father cooked, mopped floors and did the grocery shopping. And lots of brothers do more than that now (including laundry and staying home with the kids). So look for a mate that thinks like you do and you'll be all good. (But remember how you're feeling now when your son and daughter are old enough to do chores.) Ha!; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Imago Dei on November 1, 2009 at 11:17am: That's exactly what I am, "the mother stand-in". Necessary sometimes, but, our mom is present, so, not all the time, I mean, I don't need to stand-in for someone who can stand for themselves. If that makes sense. I'm GLAD not everyone thinks like my grandmother, because that is the oldest mentality I have ever heard. And when my (2) sons and (3) daughters (that I intend to have in that ratio) are old enough to do chores, all chores will be split equally. Everyone is doing dishes, and mopping floors and taking out garbage and etc. LOL; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Jacqueline on November 2, 2009 at 12:01pm: I am the oldest of 5 (all girls and the youngest is a boy) and I've always been the stand in mother, really more of a mother than my actual mother was to my siblings, sometimes, it's just one of those things and our parents tend to be a little more 'old school' and not so self righteous as we are nowadays...but then again, my mother was a single parent so it was necessary for me to stand in as mom sometimes...i think our society just automatically assigns us gender roles, from colors as newborns (baby pink or blue) to the 'jobs' we are assigned as a particular gender. it's up to us to break that cycle in ourselves and in our families so that in their futures, they don't feel so gender specific and will be more well rounded, in a sense, relative to gender roles :); ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Imago Dei on November 2, 2009 at 10:35pm: I definitely agree with you! Esp on the whole pink and blue since birth thing. The oldest of 5?! I don't know how I would survive that! Yea, if our parents are "old school" then it's most def up to us to break that cycle, because can we really expect our girls to be sweeping floors and nursing and doing the dishes all at the same time in the future generations? Even if we tried to enforce that, I don't think it'd work. LOL; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Sharon Jackson on November 5, 2009 at 8:07pm: Well I agree with your viewpoint, however I understand your grandmother's also b/c I totally respect her generation. Some old rules never change. Like the fact that men love women who are feminine and embrace the feminine gender role ( I get this from my dad). Like my mom still does the majority of cooking and cleaning in the house, but dad helps her as much a he can. However my mom enjoys it b/c she's old school and believes in gender roles. So in other words, she'd probably agree w/ your grandmother. I've dated and known men who are very much old fashioned, and some who are clean freaks who insist on doing the household chores, or at least being a big help. If you hate the dishes, than just ask how he likes it? LOL. I myself think it takes 2 to Tango...lets split the chores. Cause truth be told, if he loves and respects you, he'll understand he's your partner, not the recipient of maid service priviledges. lol; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Imago Dei on November 6, 2009 at 1:39am: Yea, I have a friend now, who has a very old soul and he's very much into the entire "women in the kitchen" thing, but I always make it a point to let him know that we're building a relationship and NOT an indentured servant. LOL
I just believe that there needs to be a balance, that's all. Especially if both male and female are working. I can understand if the woman takes on the role of "housewife" or "stay home mom", but if we're both working day jobs, then we both definitely need to split the household chores.; ▶ Reply to This